There is so much fuss made about the first date, the nerves, the outfit, the cautious conversation, it’s pretty stressful. The good news is that it really doesn’t mean that much in the grand relationship scheme. If it doesn’t work out you’ve just wasted a couple of hours but that’s a whole lot better than a couple of months or years. So, what is the magic date number that creates a shift from “I am going on a date with this person”, to “I am dating this person”?
It’s date #3! It’s sounds subtle but we all know there is a big difference, one says I am still checking them out, the other says I think this has relationship potential.
Now, even though we said that the first date is not as big of a deal as it seems at the time, it is the guard at the gate you have to pass to get to date #2 and then the ever-important decision-making date #3. At 1 True Match we will share how we walk our clients through these first three dates, we don’t want anyone wasting their time or making a blunder that puts them in a bad light when they are truly a great catch.
Date #1 – The First Impression Date
If we’re being honest, we tend to hold back more than we share on the first date. We all want to make a good first impression and getting into family drama, politics or stories about your ex are not going to cut it. On the first date each person is basically looking for chemistry, compatibility and conversation engaging enough to make it worth going on date #2. If you need some ideas on cool questions or conversation starters click here and learn more about how to get your date to reveal what you want to know about them in a casual way.
Date #2 – The So Far, So Good Date
A second date is the chance to keep the good vibes going. Maybe the first date was a quick drink, a safe lunch or a dimly lit dinner spot. But now it’s time to take a closer look, make sure the chemistry you thought you felt on the first date is still there. This is a chance to ask slightly more probing questions without it being a job interview. You want to get an idea if there is something there to validate the good thoughts or confirm your concerns you might have had during the first date. Again, no harm, no foul, no real investment made here if by the end of the night it isn’t the start of something new, it’s okay to move on.
Date #3 – Where Dates Turn Into Dating
So, date #2 was fun, it flowed a little easier than the first one and now we are embarking on date #3. So why is this date so much more important than the previous dates? Because this is the date where people tend to reveal their true selves and that chemistry, we’ve been talking about starts ramping up. Studies have shown that 3 to 5 dates with the same person can increase your compatibility.
Because this is the time when a date turns into dating here are a few key things our Matchmaking experts at 1 True Match suggest you focus on whether you decide to ditch it or cement the deal.
REVEAL THE REAL YOU
The conversation shouldn’t feel forced and you should be past the awkward pauses. This is the time to get more “real” with each other. Remember, you are here to see if this person wants the same thing out of this relationship that you do, so don’t be shy about asking what you need to know to make this decision. It’s just as important that you answer any questions honestly and openly, you want someone who wants to be with the real you, not the ambassador of you. We have an article worth reading if you don’t know what to be on the look out for to make sure they are being sincere about who they are and what they want.
Hopefully by date #3 you are doing something outside of a restaurant or coffee shop. By the first two dates you’ve discovered some hobbies or activities that you each enjoy and are taking advantage of that information. This is a great way to make sure that the chemistry you’re feeling transfers into compatibility when it comes to genuinely enjoying each other’s company. Over the course of a lifetime you will spend more time-sharing activities, projects, even chores than kissing or cuddling, so it’s important you can get along under a variety of circumstances.
THE THIRD DATE RULE
If you were a Sex in the City fan you may recall Charlotte York’s rule of waiting until the third date to become intimate, although new research reveals the average number of dates is now up to five. We aren’t suggesting you get physical at this point, but it’s fair to say that by date #3 the flirting goes up a notch, and pecks or little kisses can turn to longer lingering on the lips. It’s great if you are starting to feel more comfortable with this person but as Christian matchmakers, we do encourage you to wait until there is a true investment in the relationship. It’s a conflicting message to send if you are open to casual sex but are saying you want a serious relationship.
We know it can be frustrating if you make it to date #3 and it still doesn’t work out. But forcing something if you or your partner isn’t feeling that the connection has a spark, most likely won’t work out in the long run. If you find yourself going on a lot of 3rd dates that aren’t leading anywhere, give us a call at 1 True Match. We can help make sure the next date you go on is the start to something special!