We’ve all been there, hit in the gut with an emotional cannon ball. The soul wrenching, heart breaking, bad break up. When you are experiencing the excruciating sting of pain and loss, it can feel impossible to find your way back to normal – and beyond normal – back to happy.
But getting back anywhere that doesn’t feel horrible right now can feel impossible. Healing is more than just getting over the person you were with, it’s also about getting on with your life and getting back to yourself. Maybe you had a role in the way things turned out and you are suffering from your own self-loathing. If there is one thing worse than ending a relationship with someone you love, it is hating yourself on top of it. Healing from a bad breakup is a process that can’t begin until you are able to feel good about who you are.
It’s time to take some time off from dating; or, the instantly-gratifying-and-simultaneously-regrettable hook-up. The danger of not taking time off from dating is that you run the risk of falling back into using the same dating skills that may have gotten you into the wrong relationship in the first place. The first step in breaking the pattern is understanding your role, and that can be a tough look in the mirror. You deserve someone who makes you feel special and important. You will find that person, but for now, that person needs to be you.
Start with You
The key elements to not just surviving a dating detox, but thriving from a dating detox, begins with letting go of negative energy from past relationships. Working with a qualified relationship coach can provide clarity and direction. A dating coach can help you examine what you’re really looking for in your own life, your relationships and your future. A dating detox is also a great time to put down the wine glass and pick up a yoga class. Increase your endorphins through exercise, start a list of things that make you happy, take a class, learn something new and focus on you and what you want.
Be Present and Focused
You’ve probably heard the saying, “We only accept the love we think we deserve,” but it can be hard to truly take it to heart. It’s hard because it has everything to do with how we see ourselves and our worth. In order to see ourselves, we must be present. We need to put our phones away, unplug from the computer, turn off the television and spend time with ourselves. Once we are comfortable in our own quiet, we can take the first steps to learning how to be present and patient with others. If someone doesn’t value that gift of yourself and your focus, then they are not worthy of you. Period. End of discussion, because there is no greater gift than to be present for ourselves and for others.
We’ve all felt exposed and vulnerable, we trusted people who hurt us, and we’ve done things to hurt ourselves. We can’t hold on to those feelings, that would be making them a part of our futures.