There is no feeling like being head over heels in love! Your heart is full of emotion and your brain is full of dopamine, the chemical that helps control the brain’s pleasure centers. It’s no wonder heartbreak feels awful. I work with singles all the time struggling to recover from a breakup, so whether the end of your relationship is recent, or it’s been some time, I believe the New Year is the perfect time to move forward with a new attitude.
I have 12 steps that will help you heal and regain your confidence, so you can get on with your life and set yourself up to find that new love. I picked 12 because recovery takes time, so focus on one activity a month and by the end of the year you will have something great to celebrate!
- Go Ahead and Grieve – The first step to healing is allowing yourself to grieve the loss of the good in the relationship. You loved this person for a reason. But you also can’t romanticize it either. Make a list of the pro’s and con’s and be honest and ask yourself if there are things you can do better next time and then forgive yourself.
- No Drinking and Dialing – Or texting, or Snap chatting, or Cyber Stalking, no communication at all. Consider it a cleanse or detox to lose those unwanted pounds. There is really nothing left to say that will change the end result. You can’t clear your head and focus on moving forward if you stay connected through communication.
- Have a Heart to Heart – It’s time for an honest conversation with yourself about what’s holding you back in love and maybe your life. Have you done the hard work on yourself before sharing your life with someone else? Do you keep picking the same wrong partner because you think they will fix what’s wrong with you? I love a quote by Brigham Young, “Honest hearts produce honest actions”, there is no one more important to be honest with than yourself.
- Ask for Help – It is completely okay to ask for help from a professional counselor, I mentioned the powerful brain chemical dopamine earlier because doctors say it’s as addictive as a drug. You might need a professional who is experienced with recovery issues and if needed can prescribe medication.
- Get a Little Lost – Take a walk in the sunshine, go hiking, biking, swimming, running, skating, skiing, I think you get my point. Exercise and fresh air will make you happier, it will also make you healthier! Use this opportunity to pick up a new hobby or try a new sport. Being active is literally the next step in moving yourself forward.
- Don’t Like It? Fix It! – Have you wanted to lose weight, change your hair color, redo your wardrobe, update the wall color or furniture, organize the garage? These are all great projects that will help you feel accomplished, updated and more attractive. We love extreme makeovers, people always get excited to show off the before and after!
- See It and Believe It! – While taking that hike, or painting that wall your favorite color blue, start visualizing your happy future, fill it with positive thoughts about your good health, your new hobbies, your supportive friends, your great job, your awesome new partner and the supportive relationship you share. This is the time to set the bar high and see yourself achieving your goals and dreams. No more settling!
- Mingle with Singles! – So now that have some spring in our step, it’s time to call up your single friends. Let them know you are ready for some fun and won’t spend the night moping about your ex. Remember, single friends have other single friends who might just help you make a great connection. Besides we can always use more great pals!
- Take a Leap of Faith – As a Christian Matchmaker, I can tell you that faith truly works miracles. When we work with our clients or singles in our database, we consistently get the request for us to find someone who has a strong faith. Faith can give you confidence and if you have faith, God will find you the right person, at the right time. It takes the pressure off, and you can focus on being the best you that you can be. That is when the universe will send someone wonderful your way.
- You Have to Give to Get – If you’ve never volunteered your time, its time. Giving back is a great way to meet people, feel good about yourself and keep yourself busy. Charity galas are also the perfect reason to get dressed up, show off that fabulous new hair style and support an important cause in your community. People who volunteer say they always get back more than they give.
- Love Starts with You – 1 True Match hosts a workshop for singles to learn what will really make them happy in their future and the kind of partner who will make the best fit for them and that life. These workshops also give them a chance to meet other singles and practice some of their newly developed skills. Workshops like ours are a great way to put what you’ve been working on all year to the test.
- Ready, Set, Date! – You should be ready to get out there and start dating with an open mind and heart. Take your time, get to the know the person, make sure they are the right fit for this great life you’ve built for yourself. Just like it’s perfectly okay to get help to get over a breakup, it’s also perfectly okay to get help to find a partner who is as awesome as you are and is truly committed to a future relationship. 1 True Match has an incredible data base of successful and accomplished singles looking for love.
I hope my 12 steps have helped you and I encourage you not to waste another year, month or minute feeling badly about a relationship that just wasn’t meant to be! Get over that bad romance, focus on you and your fabulous future with that person who will love and cherish you! Here’s to a great year and Blessed 2019!