Put Your Relationship To The Toxicity Test/How To Get Out of Toxic Territory

When we’re young it’s cool to have tons of friends and social options.  But as we mature, we begin to understand the saying “quality over quantity.”  That’s because as we grow, our priorities change and unfortunately some friends or partners don’t always change with us.  Some relationships can even leave us feeling badly about ourselves.  There comes a time when we may need to take an inventory of our relationships and decide which ones add to our lives and which ones take away our peace and happiness

It’s normal for any relationship whether it’s a family member, a friendship or a romance to have its ups and downs.  But when a relationship is a constant cause of stress, anger, sadness, confusion or mistrust then it’s time to limit it or even end it for your own emotional, mental and even physical well-being.

Put Your Relationship To The Toxicity Test:

  • They take without giving; it’s always about what they want not what you want
  • They control you or situations and it’s a fight if they don’t get their way
  • They always have to be right or win no matter what
  • They find a way to be the victim of any situation that doesn’t go their way
  • They’re overly critical, insulting, belittling and bully others to get their way
  • They refuse to take responsibility for their actions, it’s everyone else’s fault
  • They don’t respect boundaries, your time, your schedule, your need for self-care
  • The relationship leaves you feeling exhausted, beat down or drained

More Than Toxic, It Can Be Downright Dangerous.

Toxic romances can often lead to abusive relationships.  The hardest part is that toxic people tend to reveal themselves gradually and by the time you realize you’ve entered toxic territory, it’s tricky to extricate yourself.  But the longer you stay and invest, the deeper these toxic types will drain your emotional tank.  It’s time to focus on an exit strategy and commit to separating yourself from this toxic person.

No one said it would be easy to fade out a toxic friendship or rancid romance, accept that it’s going to be a process.  But the good news is once you’ve accepted the fact that the relationship is not a healthy one and you need to move on with your life, it can be done.

Start The Process As Gentle As Possible For Both Parties

  • Begin to distance yourself, avoid hanging out, be too busy with work/school/family
  • Don’t engage in texts, calls, emails or respond to social media posts
  • Block or unfollow them from your social media sites so you’re not tempted to engage them, unfriending may send a harsh message and end up in an argument
  • Think logically, not emotionally; remember they love to poke/argue – don’t take the bait
  • Reinstate your boundaries, engage yourself in self-care, go to those Yoga classes you’ve been skipping
  • Journal how you felt when you were with them and how you feel without them, that will help you remind yourself of the progress you’re making
  • Turn to your support team, people who will pump you up and keep you focused
  • Be consistent in your decision and commit yourself, it not healthy for anyone involved to go back and forth

Take Time For Yourself Now

It’s important to give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship and heal from the damage it did to you. There is a reason that safety instructions include putting your oxygen mask on first before you can assist others. You may feel lonely at first, especially if this person took up a lot of your time and focus, but once you push through that loneliness, you will enjoy your reclaimed freedom and regain your emotional strength. You can also take a deep breath and find reassurance in the Bible that ending a toxic relationship is also good for your soul. There are countless references to the damage that bad relationships can cause to you spiritually and the strength to be gained from removing them or distancing them from your life.  Once you get through this, you will be a stronger, happier and more peaceful person who is ready for a relationship that is worthy of you.

 

 

 

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