In a previous blog we talked about What Your Divorce Is Teaching Your Kids About Relationships, and how it can be an emotional rollercoaster for them. Children who see their parents separate and/or get divorced typically will experience both short and long term effects from it. And in turn once they grow up to become adults, the childhood trauma they experience tends to bleed into their other relationships. So it is paramount that as parents we guide and provide our children with healthy habits for them to emulate. Of course, that is always easier said than done, especially when our life throws a curveball, like the loss of a spouse by divorce.
Divorce is a complex issue that affects many couples, but understanding the reasons behind it and how to prevent it can provide hope and guidance. In this blog, we will discuss the cause of divorce and how to prevent divorce “Marriage is never promised to be easy, strong healthy relationships take hard work to build but, in the end it is so worth it,” explains Relationship Coach and 1 True Match Founder Renee Richel. “It’s so important to press pause and spend time with the Lord so He can guide you down the right path that He has for your life. Trust in His plan.”
What Leads to Couples Ultimately Getting Divorced?
One of the primary reasons for divorce is alack of communication. Effective communication is crucial in any relationship. When couples fail to discuss their thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly, misunderstandings can arise, leading to emotional distance and dissatisfaction. Communication is fundamental to a healthy marriage. When couples struggle to express their needs, listen actively, or resolve disagreements constructively, it can create a cycle of frustration and disconnection. Ineffective communication can destroy trust and intimacy, making it challenging to address and resolve issues. If communication problems persist, they can contribute to a growing divide between partners, potentially leading to the breakdown of the relationship.
Another significant factor is unresolved conflicts. Every relationship faces challenges, but if conflicts are not addressed constructively, resentment can build up, weakening the marital bond. For example we all have our personality quirks, so let’s say there is something small that didn’t bother you when you began dating your mate but now that you’re married you find it to be the most irritating of habits. Discuss it withyour spouse, there is a healthy & effective way to communicate. Tone is everything, so be sure to think before you speak truly try to come to a resolution without speaking purely from emotion. Over time, the accumulation of unresolved issues can foster a negative atmosphere, where communication breaks down and emotional connection weakens. Persistent conflict can result in feelings of frustration and helplessness, making it difficult for couples to work together effectively. If left unchecked, these unresolved conflicts can ultimately drive a wedge between partners and contribute to the dissolution of the marriage.
Financial stress is another common issue. Money problems can place a significant strain on a marriage, often exposing deeper issues such as differing values or goals. When financial stress arises, it’s crucial for couples to tackle it together with open communication and mutual support. Sharing your financial concerns and goals can prevent misunderstandings and build trust. Creating a budget together and setting shared financial goals can help align your efforts. If stress becomes overwhelming, seeking professional advice can provide guidance. Remember to support each other emotionally and celebrate small victories along the way. By maintaining a positive attitude and working asa team, you can navigate financial challenges more effectively and strengthen your relationship.
Infidelity is also a serious concern; trust is foundational in marriage, and betrayal can severely damage the relationship, often highlighting unresolved issues that need attention. This breach of trust, has the potential to cause deep emotional pain and insecurity, while jealousy can foster resentment and lead to constant suspicion. Both issues can undermine the foundation of a relationship, making effective communication and emotional support challenging. Over time, unresolved conflicts and emotional scars can erode intimacy and connection, potentially driving couples apart and leading to divorce if not addressed with empathy and commitment to repair.
Unrealistic expectations about marriage and each other can also lead to regret and conflict, as entering a marriage with an idealized view can set the stage for dissatisfaction. Unattainable standards set on your spouse can lead to constant disappointment and extreme levels of frustration. When one or both partners expect perfection or have idealized views of the relationship, they may become dissatisfied with their partner and the relationship’s reality. This dissatisfaction can lead to frequent conflicts, emotional distance, and resentment. Over time, the gap between expectations and reality can erode trust and intimacy, making it difficult for the couple to resolve issues effectively. If these unrealistic expectations remain unaddressed, they can contribute to the relationship’s deterioration and, ultimately, lead to divorce.
Times may be Tough but, Marriage is Forever!
Preventing divorce involves several proactive steps. Cultivating open communication is essential; regular, honest discussions about feelings, needs, and concerns can help prevent misunderstandings and strengthen your connection. On her podcast 1TrueTalks Renee discusses what she calls “couch talk” which in a nut shell is intentional quality time set aside with your partner to deepen your relationship and grow closer as a result.
Seeking professional guidance through marriage counseling can provide valuable tools and perspectives for resolving conflicts and improving your relationship. Counseling can be instrumental in preventing divorce by addressing underlying issues and improving the relationship dynamics. It provides a structured environment where couples can enhance their communication skills, allowing them to express their needs and concerns more effectively. Through counseling, partners can learn to resolve conflicts constructively and work on rebuilding trust if it has been damaged. Therapy also helps couples understand each other’s perspectives and emotional needs, fostering greater empathy and connection. By setting realistic goals and expectations together, couples can align their values and objectives. Regular counseling sessions offer ongoing support and a safe space to address challenges before they escalate, ultimately helping to strengthen the relationship and reduce the risk of divorce.
Prioritizing your relationship is also important. Invest time and effort into your marriage by engaging in shared activities, spending quality time together, and showing acts of kindness to maintain and strengthen your bond. Working on personal growth can positively impact your relationship as well; addressing personal issues and striving for self-improvement can benefit your marriage. Engaging in activities that both partners enjoy fosters a sense of companionship and partnership. Regular quality time can also provide opportunities for open communication, allowing couples to address issues and resolve conflicts before they escalate. Renee says, “By making an effort to connect on a daily basis and support one another, couples reinforce their commitment and intimacy,” as a result this reduces the risk of relationship problems that could lead to divorce.
For Christian couples, building a strong foundation in faith can be particularly helpful. Grounding your relationship in prayer and biblical principles can offer guidance, strength, and resilience, helping you navigate challenges together. Joined faith in the Lord fosters a healthy environment filled with love, forgiveness, and commitment based on spiritual principles. Christian faith encourages couples to view their marriage as a sacred covenant, which motivates them to work through challenges with perseverance and grace. Faith-based counseling and prayer can offer guidance and strength during difficult times, helping partners to resolve conflicts and maintain harmony. By prioritizing values such as compassion, understanding, and mutual respect, couples can build a resilient relationship that aligns with their spiritual beliefs, ultimately supporting the longevity and health of their marriage.By following Jesus’ example of unconditional love and selflessness, couples can learn to prioritize each other’s needs, communicate effectively, and forgive one another. Regular prayer and seeking guidance through Scripture can provide strength and clarity during challenging times. Embracing a shared faith in Jesus encourages couples to work together with a sense of purpose and unity, reinforcing their commitment to each other and to the marriage.
By understanding and actively addressing the root causes of divorce, couples can work towards building a stronger, more resilient marriage. Renee reminds us to, “Remember, it’s not about avoiding conflict but about learning to navigate it with grace and empathy”. With dedication, faith, and the right tools, couples can build lasting bonds and navigate challenges together. Couples can learn how to transform their challenges into opportunities for growth and deeper connection. By prioritizing open communication, embracing financial stewardship, and setting shared goals, couples can strengthen their bond. With prayer and guidance, couples can overcome obstacles and grow in love and faith. Remember, as Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Let this be a reminder that with commitment, trust in God, and mutual support, your marriage can flourish and endure. At 1TrueMatch, we believe that faith and commitment are essential in overcoming obstacles and creating lasting, fulfilling relationships. We’re here to encourage and guide you on this journey toward a love that is steadfast and true.