Through being in the matchmaking business for over a decade, I’ve had the privilege of observing and understanding various aspects of relationships and personal growth. One topic that frequently comes up in my conversations with clients is how their upbringing, particularly being raised by strict parents, influences their adult behaviors and personalities. I want to share some insights on this topic from my perspective as a matchmaker and as someone who values the role of upbringing in shaping who we become. Growing up with strict parents often involves a rigid structure, high expectations, and a strong emphasis on discipline. While this approach can instill valuable traits like responsibility and resilience, it can also have lasting effects on one’s personality and relationship patterns.
- Heightened Self-Awareness and Perfectionism: Strict parenting can lead to a heightened sense of self-awareness for a child. Individuals raised in such environments often develop a keen sense of their actions and their impact on others, which can translate into meticulous behavior in adult relationships. While this can be ben
eficial, as it fosters attentiveness and commitment, it can also leadto perfectionism and a fear of making mistakes. Causing this child to grow up & struggle to make their own decisions, constantly second guess themselves, and cause extreme levels of anxiety. Therefore, it is paramount to find a balance and allow room for growth and imperfection in any and all relationships. We are all human, we all have flaws, no one is perfect.
2. Sensitivity to Criticism: Children raised by strict parents often develop a heightened sensitivity to criticism and insecurity as they grow into adulthood. The rigid expectations and constant scrutiny they experienced can lead them to internalize a fear of failure and rejection. This sensitivity manifests in their adult relationships, making them more prone to feeling inadequate or judged. They may struggle with self-doubt and be overly critical of themselves, as their upbringing taught them that their worth was contingent on meeting high standards. If one’s self-worth was tied to meeting parental expectations, adult relationships may carry an increased fear of judgment or rejection. This sensitivity can affect communication and vulnerability in relationships. Recognizing and addressing these fears with a supportive partner can lead to deeper, more authentic connections. Furthermore, addressing these insecurities with self-compassion and supportive relationships can help these individuals to build confidence and resilience.
3. Strong Sense of Responsibility: A strong sense of responsibility is often cultivated in individuals raised with strict boundaries, due to the high expectations and structured environment they grew up in. This upbringing instills a deep understanding of duty and reliability, making them dependable individuals in adulthood. They carry forward a strong commitment to fulfilling their obligations and meeting responsibilities, often valuing stability and dedication in their personal and professional lives. However, this sense of duty can sometimes lead to them overextending oneself or feeling overwhelmed by the demands of a relationship. So it’s important for them to openly communicate their needs and expectations in order to find a healthy balance and ensure they don’t neglect their own needs. In essence, setting firm boundaries within all of their relationships is going to be key for their peace & positive mindset.
4. Navigating Emotional Expression: Strict parenting may also prevent individuals from learning how to express their emotions, due to a childhood environment where emotional expression was discouraged or deemed unacceptable. This presents challenges in opening up or showing vulnerability in their adult relationships, as they may have learned to suppress their emotions to avoid criticism or disappointment. This suppression can create barriers to intimacy and vulnerability, making it challenging to form deep & meaningful connections. Building trust and creating a safe space for emotional ex pression are essential steps in overcoming these challenges and fostering a deeper connection with a partner.
From my perspective as a matchmaker and someone who values the transformative power of faith, I’ve seen firsthand how a strong Christian faith can help those raised by strict parents heal and grow. I believe that God’s unconditional love and grace offer a profound sense of comfort and hope. When we lean into our faith, we can reframe our past experiences through the lens of God’s promises. Joshua 1:9 says “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Prayer and Scripture become powerful tools for processing pain and finding strength.
Embracing God’s forgiveness and understanding helps us let go of past insecurities and fosters a renewed sense of self-worth. Through faith, we’re able to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships, rooted in the love and grace that God extends to each of us. For many, faith plays a crucial role in navigating the effects of a strict upbringing. Embracing spiritual growth and seeking guidance from the Lord our Father can provide strength and clarity in understanding and overcoming these challenges. It’s a reminder that while our upbringing shapes us, we have the power to grow, evolve, and create fulfilling relationships rooted in love and faith.In matchmaking, understanding these dynamics helps me to guide our clients in their journey toward meaningful connections. It’s important to recognize and embrace how our past shapes us while also focusing onpersonal growth and the positive aspects we bring into our relationships. As we move forward in our personal and relational journeys, let’s remember that with each experience, including the challenges of a strict upbringing, contributes to who we are. By acknowledging these influences and seeking growth, we can build stronger, more fulfilling relationships grounded in understanding and compassion. XOXO, Renee Richel, Lead Matchmaker and Owner, 1TrueMatch