Hello Loves! There is no better feeling than being ooey gooey in love! Your heart is full of emotion and your brain is full of dopamine, the chemical that helps control the brain’s pleasure centers. It’s no wonder that when relationships break apart and heartbreak settles in, it leaves you feeling unworthy, depressed and lonely. When you’re newly single it can feel nearly impossible to move on & rebuild your self worth. The temptation of going back to that toxic relationship may constantly be playing in your mind. The good times of your past relationship haunting you in your quiet moments. A secret that I tell all my singles who come to us searching for new love, is my 12 Steps to Joy after Heartbreak! I picked 12 because recovery takes time, so focus on one activity a month and by the end of the year youwill have something great to celebrate! These small steps will help you heal and regain your confidence, so you can continue living your best life, the life God has planned for you! And with each small step you take, you will find with time, you are setting yourself up to find that new love.
STEP 1: Go Ahead & Grieve – The first step to healing is allowing yourself to grieve the loss of the good in the relationship. You fell in love with this person for a reason. And just because, it ended doesn’t mean it was all bad, or you have poor judgement of character. With that being said, you don’t want to stay in a place of sadness & grief forever. Take time to consider what you’ve learned from the relationship. Understanding the lessons can help you grow and avoid repeating the same mistakes. Make a list of the pro’s and con’s and be honest and ask yourself if there are things you can do better next time and then forgive yourself. Remember the Lord is in control and the plan He has for your life is so much better than anything you could have for yourself. He already has chosen your soulmate for you! Allow yourself to feel and process the emotions. It’s okay to be sad, angry, or confused. God is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) and wants to comfort you during this time.
STEP 2: No Drinking and Dialing – Or texting, or Snap chatting, or Cyber Stalking, no communication at all. Consider it a cleanse or detox to lose those unwanted pounds. There is really nothing left to say that will change the end result. You can’t clear your head and focus on moving forward if you stay connected through communication. Create space between you and your ex to allow for healing. Boundaries are necessary to protect your heart and focus on your own well-being.
STEP 3: Have a Heart to Heart – It’s time for an honest conversation with yourself about what’s holding you back in love and maybe your life. Have you done the hard work on yourself before sharing your life with someone else? Do you keep picking the same wrong partner because you think they will fix what’s wrong with you? I love a quote by Brigham Young, “Honest hearts produce honest actions”, there is no one more important to be honest with than yourself. Forgive both yourself and your ex. Holding onto anger or resentment only hinders your healing. Let go and allow God to bring you peace.
STEP 4: Ask for Help – Don’t hesitate to seek counsel from a pastor, therapist, or trusted mentor. Wisdom from others can provide clarity and support during tough times. It is completely okay to ask for help from a professional counselor, I mentioned the powerful brain chemical dopamine earlier because doctors say it’s as addictive as a drug. You might need a professional who is experienced with recovery issues and if needed can prescribe medication. You can also talk to your pastor at your local church for some spiritual support & guidance. Turn to God for strength and guidance. Prayer, reading Scripture, and spending time in His presence can bring peace and perspective to your situation.
STEP 5: Try Something New – Rediscover your passions and interests. Spend time doing what you love, and focus on your God-given purpose outside of the relationship. Take a walk in the sunshine, go hiking, biking, swimming, running, skating, skiing, I think you get my point. Exercise and fresh air will make you happier, it will also make you healthier! Use this opportunity to pick up a new hobby or try a new sport. Being active is literally the next step in moving yourself forward.
STEP 6: Old Relationship, New You! – See the breakup as a fresh start. This is an opportunity for new growth, new experiences, and a deeper relationship with God. Have you wanted to lose weight, change your hair color, redo your wardrobe, update the wall color or furniture, organize the garage? These are all great projects that will help you feel accomplished, updated and more attractive. We love extreme makeovers, people always get excited to show off the before and after! Take care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Exercise, eat well, and nurture your soul through prayer and worship.
STEP 7: Think Positive Thoughts! – While taking that hike, or painting that wall your favorite color blue, start visualizing your happy future, fill it with positive thoughts about your good health, your new hobbies, supportive friends, great job, the new YOU! This is the time to set the bar high and see yourself achieving your goals and dreams. No more settling!
STEP 8: Mingle with Singles! – So now that have some spring in our step, it’s time to call up your single friends. Let them know you are ready for some fun and won’t spend the night moping about your ex. Remember, single friends have other single friends who might just help you make a great connection. Build a supportive community around you. Seek out friends, family, and fellow believers who uplift and encourage you in your journey.
STEP 9: Take a Leap of Faith – As a Christian Matchmaker, I can tell you that faith truly works miracles. When we work with our clients
or singles in our database, we consistently get the request for us to find someone who has a strong faith. Faith can give you confidence and if you have faith, God will find you the right person, at the right time. It takes the pressure off, and you can focus on being the best you that you can be. God will bring you that person when you’re least expecting it! Remember that God has a plan for your life, and it’s good (Jeremiah 29:11). Trust His timing and His purpose, even when it’s hard to see.
STEP 10: You Have to Give to Get – If you’ve never volunteered your time, its time. Giving back is a great way to meet people, feel good about yourself and keep yourself busy. Charity galas are also the perfect reason to get dressed up, show off that fabulous new hair style and sup
port an important cause in your community. People who volunteer say they always get back more than they give. Serve at your local church & meet some new people!
STEP 11: Love Starts with You – 1 True Match hosts a workshop for singles to learn what will really make them happy in their future andthe kind of partner who will make the best fit for them and that life. These workshops also givethem a chance to meet other singles and practice some of their newly developed skills. Workshops like ours are a great way to put what you’ve been working on all year to the test.
STEP 12: Ready, Set, Date! –should be ready to get out there and startdating with an open mind and heart. Take your time, get to the know the person, make sure they are the right fit for this great life you’ve built for yourself. Just like it’s perfectly okay to get help to get over a breakup, it’s also perfectlyokay to get helpto find a partner who is as awesome as you are and is truly committed to a future relationship. 1 True Match has an incredible data base of successful and accomplished singles looking for love.
I hope my 12 steps have helped you and I encourage you not to waste another year, month or minute feeling badly about a relationship that just wasn’t meant to be! Look to the future with hope and faith. God has great things in store for you, and this chapter is just one part of your greater story. Get over that toxic romance, focus on you and your bright future with that person who will love and cherish you forever AKA your 1 True Match!
