We’ve all heard the horror stories: “she was buried in credit card debt”, “he was super demanding and it was all about what he wanted”, “they never stopped looking at their phone during the entire date.” Unfortunately, these are all after-the-fact, break-up lessons learned, war stories that we share after wasting weeks or months with the wrong person. But maybe that person (or yourself) isn’t the “wrong type”, maybe they just lack the skills to solve these relationship deal breakers.
So here are three of my top rules that no one wants to talk about – but I will!
Be Financially Sexy.
We all know it’s one of the biggest reasons couples break up. No one wants to talk about money. But as a match maker, I will tell you I have clients who straight up say, “I don’t want someone deep in debt.” It may sound harsh, but it’s true. You can’t expect to say, “I want to marry a millionaire,” and you have no clue how to balance your own checkbook! A millionaire is not going to be attracted to that. I promise, if you take a look at your finances and develop a healthy financial plan every quarter, understanding why you spend and how to save – and you’re not afraid to be open and honest about it – a potential mate is going to find that super sexy.
Wait Your Window!
There are few things in life that can’t wait 72 hours for a response. You know dating can be emotionally charged and a simple text can escalate into high drama! It’s draining, and a waste of time and energy. So just stop and give yourself the gift of time. Be honest. Tell the person, I am going to take some time to process and I will get back to you in 72 hours. You don’t want to leave them hanging, because that can cause more drama, so be respectful and honest. Hopefully they will appreciate that. It will give them time to process, too, and if they push back or don’t give you your space, they are not your right person.
This last rule is more geared toward couples but, really, it’s good for anyone in any relationship. It’s all about prioritizing the person in front of you. How often do we hear that a couple got divorced because “they grew apart?” One of my biggest dating rules for my clients starts with: take the phone OFF the table during a date. It’s all about being present to listen and receive, and to share your emotions and heart in an unbiased and non-judgmental way. You can’t do that if you aren’t 100% in the moment. The key is to schedule that time on the calendar. I recommend it twice a week, or at the very least once a month. If you start that early in a relationship, you can avoid that awkward “we have to talk” conversation.